#067 - Loving self and other through grief

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#067 - Loving self and other through grief

My partner recently lost their father, whom they have had not contact for may years. Though his death was coming for a long time it was still a shock. My partner has left to be back with family and take care of things related to their dad’s passing. I have the tendency to want to help too much or fix how they’re feeling, which I am working on in myself with a therapist. This situation is very hard, though, because my partner has a hard time asking for what they need/want, and I have a hard time with the unknown and not having a specific direction to follow. I have just been saying, “I’m here for you, let me know what you need, I love you, this totally sucks, I’m giving you a virtual hug and kiss,” etc. Trying to not save them, but let them be where they are. I have been really sad at home alone and not hearing from them much, and I’m wondering if you have any advice on how to be there for my partner and also for myself at the same time?

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#065 - Transgender surgeries: Non-essential during Covid-19?

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#065 - Transgender surgeries: Non-essential during Covid-19?

It seems to me that if we lived in a culture where gender-affirming surgeries were acknowledged as life saving and the barriers to these surgeries were removed then the pain of having to postpone would be more manageable. I imagine all the barriers to getting these surgeries, and the prejudice from the medical community towards trans folks, makes these reasonable delays feel like another rejection and create more desperation.

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#64 - Asking for a Friend: Navigating disorganized and anxious partnerships

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#64 - Asking for a Friend: Navigating disorganized and anxious partnerships

Hi Karolina,

My partner has a disorganized attachment style and I have an anxious attachment style. Sometimes when we are triggered it feels like I’m being pushed away energetically, often through shortness in our interactions. My response is usually to give them lots of space and not engage, which worked best for us in the past. But now we are learning that my partner actually needs me to move closer, ask them about it, and connect. I struggle to do this because of my upbringing – if someone was upset it was best for me to stay out of the way. I know my partner wants more engagement when they are upset, but I can’t recall that in the moment and have the complete opposite reaction. It has been coming up for us a lot, we keep seeing the pattern but not much is changing in the moments. What are your suggestions for us?

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#064 - Asking for a Friend: Blog series intro!

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#064 - Asking for a Friend: Blog series intro!

One of the most useful tools for learning and growing throughout my personal and professional development as a psychotherapist has been to ask for support. I have had supervisors, mentors, and guides who have gone before me in so many ways who I turn towards when I need help. In the time of coronavirus many people are in very unique circumstances, money can be tight, we’re living in much closer quarters than ever before, and the future is uncertain. This time is ripe for all sorts of issues to arise interpersonally and intrapersonally.

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