#049 - A good enough body

/
#049 - A good enough body

About 13 years ago I was involved in a near fatal car accident. And I was the one who almost died. We, my coworkers and I, were driving from snowboarding in Colorado back to Utah to continue working as wilderness guides. I was 23 years old and for the most part thought I was going to live forever and didn’t really consider the vulnerability of living in a human body. As we crested a hill on I-70 we hit an elk, the truck rolled, and I was ejected out of the passenger side window going 70 miles per hour.

Read More

#048 - Shame: That bad feeling

/
#048 - Shame: That bad feeling

There is this feeling that at times can be hard to name, it often comes in the morning right when you wake up, before you begin to distract yourself. In the body it is a sinking or dropping feeling in the stomach, a lack of energy, difficulty in lifting the head and looking the world in the eye, or my personal fave: a deep self loathing that brings into question my very existence as a being on the earth. Fun!

Read More

#046 - Being a therapist is about letting go

/
#046 - Being a therapist is about letting go

 

Every day that I work with clients, at least once, I try to control the direction of the session. This can look like having a brilliant insight and I want to share it with them. I see something and I am sure that that is the missing piece of the problem they have been working with for so long. They want to go in one direction and I want to go in another. Some problem I have “overcome” is presenting in my client and I want to tell them what to do so they can have the same insight and healing as me.

Read More

#045 - Losing fear of ourselves

/
#045 - Losing fear of ourselves

For many years I spent my time managing and controlling my outside circumstances (and, honestly, still work with this!). My belief I could find safety through control was a purely unconscious drive. All I knew was that the world felt overwhelming to me, and that I was restless and irritable. I would make the connection that when I was in a certain situation or with a particular person I felt anxious, so I tried my best to stay out of or control those situations or people. I rarely thought that my real problems were my internal reactions and unacknowledged fears, which drove me and dictated my life.

Read More

#044 - How long will my healing take?

/
#044 - How long will my healing take?

I have asked this question many times. I have asked it to friends, therapists, lovers, the universe, God, you name it. I have heard spiritual teachers talk about it, offering techniques for the “fast track” to spiritual enlightenment. I have tried really, really, hard to heal myself. And some of it has seemed to work. I am different than I was 10 years ago, that’s for sure. I am less likely to drink myself into a black out (extremely less likely!).

Read More

#043 - Longing for resolution - Opening through the layers

/
#043 - Longing for resolution - Opening through the layers

Often in my work with clients we talk about resolution of layers of trauma. Our work together is to explore and metabolize the layers of trauma and pain held in the body and psyche. The process seems to often start at the gross layer, an extreme desire to fight or run, a longing to cry or rage. These opening layers are themes that continue to show up as the layers are worked through.

Read More

#042 - What is this like?

/
#042 - What is this like?

I recently returned from a meditation retreat on the east coast. I was excited to go and have many days of silence and the freedom to go deep into my own experience without many distractions. Though daily mindfulness practice and meditation are important there exists something special when we can be in deep silence and practice for an extended period of time. Our culture is very much focused on the up feeling, getting high, being excited, the big “Wow.” Those moments are wonderful and leave us feeling the joy of life. But they are also only part of the picture. When we embark on any journey of discovery we must be willing to treat the “wow’s” and the “ugh’s” equally: One to raise us up when we are bogged down, and one to humble us when we think we got it all figured out.

Read More

#041 - Called into existence: Our trans and queer identities

/
#041 - Called into existence: Our trans and queer identities

In our popular culture, and in many of our families, there have been very few examples of trans and queer identities. My first exposure to anything non-heterosexual was reading “Rubyfruit Jungle,” by Rita Mae Brown, in the 1990s when I was a teenager. I can still recall the feeling of reading about this totally “other” culture: lesbianism. I simultaneously felt excited and ashamed. I knew I was like the lesbians Brown described, but I had no idea what to do with that information. Eventually I was able to come out to others and myself; first as lesbian, then gay, and finally the more fitting term of queer.

Read More

#040 - Real Success Story: Interview with Boulder therapist, Karolina Walsh

/
#040 - Real Success Story: Interview with Boulder therapist, Karolina Walsh

I was interviewed by Becky DeGrossa from Counseling Wise, a private practice building company, about my journey to building a successful private practice and some of the lessons I've learned along the way. Also, a section on the importance of supervision, countertransference, and my experience being an LGBTQIA therapist. If you want to reach out with questions send an email here, via my Contact me page or check out my service for helping professionals to build your practice called Professional Confidence. Enjoy!

Read More

#039 - Uncertainty in Relationships

/
#039 - Uncertainty in Relationships

Have you ever thought: “There’s no way this relationship is going to work out!” or, “I’m just too wounded to be in a long-term romantic relationship,” or, “How did I end up with this person? I’ve made a horrible mistake”? If so, you have you have experienced uncertainty in relationship. Something about the situation, yourself, and/or your partner has invoked a feeling of instability and you realize the future of your romantic life is uncertain.  

Read More

#038 - Rupture and Repair: What relationship is about

/
#038 - Rupture and Repair: What relationship is about

Making mistakes, conflict, and confusion in relationship are a big part of the relationship journey. As author, and therapist, Bonnie Badenoch says 30% of relationship is all warm, fuzzy, and attuned and 70% is about rupture and repair. You wouldn’t think so given our pop culture and the ways relationship is portrayed in movies, books, and music.

Read More

#036 - Spiritual/Emotional Growth: The hard way or the easier way

/
#036 - Spiritual/Emotional Growth: The hard way or the easier way

I was talking with some friends the other night and we were exploring what it’s like to enter therapy. My friend had a very insightful statement that going into therapy is stressful because it “stirs stuff up.” I had to agree with that! That’s been true in my professional life with my clients and with my own personal journey. And yet my perspective is a bit different than my friends: Yes is stirs stuff up, and this stuff is going to get you no matter what!

Read More

#035 - The Unicorn of Attachment Theory: Earned Secure Attachment

/
#035 - The Unicorn of Attachment Theory: Earned Secure Attachment

For me getting into a helping profession was fueled by an excitement of the unknown. I was interested in the inner workings of being human, how we become who we are, and how we transform over our lifetime. I saw the powerful forces of meditation, spiritual practices, and even psychedelics to deeply influence who we are. I wanted to find out more! I wanted to change and transform myself and be a companion to others interested in the same process. What I didn’t know was that I would have to get to know deeply the unspoken things inside of me, the places of fear, freezing, constriction, terror, rage, despair, and hopelessness.

Read More

#034 - Gaslighting your clients: Just stop!

/
#034 - Gaslighting your clients: Just stop!

If you have practiced psychotherapy for any length of time you have probably gaslighted your clients. This can be hard for therapists to see especially since gaslighting is seen as a form of psychological abuse. It’s commonly defined as manipulating someone into questioning their own sanity, perceptions, and/or memory. While most therapists are not consciously trying to hurt their clients this type of harm can be very subtle.

Read More

#033 - Making room for Disconnection

/
#033 - Making room for Disconnection

Most of my life I have been pretty distant, fairly aloof. I did not want to feel the pain that came from human connection. I developed tools and methods to keep people at arms length. This felt like the best way of doing things, I was safe and they were safe from me. Underlying these actions were deep and powerful beliefs about safety and about my worthiness. On the surface these behaviors and beliefs point towards someone afraid of connection, scared of the closeness inherent in human relationships.  Though on the surface this may be true the deeper issue is a fear of disconnection.

Read More

#031 - You're not broken: At least I don't think so!

/
#031 - You're not broken: At least I don't think so!

The folks I have regular contact with in my practice have been well seasoned by life, which is my way of saying they have been through some rough shit. They have been through traumas, addictions, abuse, self-harm, and have also done some pretty hurtful things to other people. So by the time I see them in my office there are big feelings of being broken, hopeless, and unworthy. For the most part this makes a lot of sense to me given what they have been through! And I can completely relate, I too have been seasoned by life, and tenderized, and cook a bit by it! 

Read More

#030 - Therapist Self-disclosure

/
#030 - Therapist Self-disclosure

What I have experienced and continue to experience is the profound, and I’m not using that word lightly, healing that can take place through here and now disclosure by the therapist. This is not about sitting around in normal consciousness and chatting about our favorite flavors of ice cream. It’s about dropping into the realm of dissociated parts, developmental trauma, and systemic beliefs together as a way to reintegrate the shattered parts of self many clients come in with.

Read More