In psychology there is a bias towards working through hard things. This makes sense since a lot of the reason people enter therapy is to get unstuck, and this often means working through hard stuff. But (while it may seem counterintuitive), there are some folks who need permission to leave, take a break, be alone, etc in order to get unstuck.
One of the gifts of therapy via zoom is that clients can easily leave the screen, walk about the room, and return in their own time. This was harder to do with face to face therapy because leaving the office meant entering the waiting room or another public space.
Sometimes in session, I will notice that it looks like a client is “enduring” when some big feelings come up. They will report that they want to leave, shut the computer, and just bolt. When I hear that I know that is what they need! So I will suggest they take off their headphones, leave the screen, and take some time to walk around and move. I assure them I am gonna be here when they get back.
This intervention is such a beautiful one because it trusts the innate wisdom of the client, it bucks a therapy system that expects folks to endure to heal (when what they probably always needed was to get up and leave!), and it supports healing any suppressed flight responses in the body.
I’m always grateful and happy when the client returns to the screen with a different perspective and more grounded in their own body. The sessions become richer with just 3-4 minutes of space that no amount of enduring would produce. So next time you or your client is enduring something consider taking space to see what might happen next!
