Grief and Loss

 

 
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Grief and loss are two of the most common human experiences. Yet, while we are going through them we may feel excruciatingly alone. We may sense that no one has hurt as we hurt, or even doubt that a day will exist when we will be ok again. Waking in the morning we come out of a dream to feel that crushing wave of grief that reminds us again that our loved one has left or died.  Evenings can be just as hard, this was a time when you and your loved one would spend time together, talk over the happenings of the day, or just be together enjoying each others company. And now you are left with a physical sense of emptiness, or hollowness, where your loved one once resided. Little, almost seemingly insignificant things remind you of them; a song on the radio, a particular food, a shop, or restaurant.

Often what makes grief harder to bear is that many people in your life do not understand what you are going through or do try to help, but only make you feel more alone.  They offer advice, quick fixes, which help to bury the grief long enough for it to surface later with more force.  The old axiom remains true in this experience: "The only way out is through." While this is true with many things it is certainly true with moving through grief. Grief has its own process, a path unique to every individual, with its own gifts and hardships. I have seen the transformative power of grief, and liken it to a very hot fire that burns away all the extraneous things in our life. This is good! While your initial response may be aversion to this fire of grief I endeavor to impart to you the hope in this process.

Receiving support through the grieving process will assist the transformation you are going through. We were meant to grieve as a community, in the presence of others, and in that we begin to feel the deep human connection that exists. You are not alone in this experience, even though it may feel that way. 

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You may be skeptical that therapy can work for you in processing and moving through your loss.  Or maybe you are not ready to move through and face what has happened. These are normal concerns and should be honored as part of working with transitions such as grief and loss. There is no need to push past these objections, and actually these thoughts and feelings are information for where you are at in your process. Allowing them to be present with compassion, patience will serve you well in the long run.

I have sat with many people through this process and learned ways to navigate some of the pitfalls of processing grief, thus helping for a smoother and faster recovery time. I commonly hear people say they had no idea how rich and transformative moving through grief could be. They often notice that other losses in their life were not honored in the same way and still linger.

My passion for working with grief and loss has come from my own work and dedication to walking through this very human and very painful experience. Once I became aware of the gifts that await when we turn towards the loss and pain I dedicated much of my time and energy to being with others in their loss. I consider this a joy and am profoundly grateful to be a part of another's growth process in and through grief.