#032 - Video Blog! "Queer Undefined"
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Hey y'all! Here is a little 90 second video blog about the term Queer, staring me and a crow!
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#031 - You're not broken: At least I don't think so!
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The folks I have regular contact with in my practice have been well seasoned by life, which is my way of saying they have been through some rough shit. They have been through traumas, addictions, abuse, self-harm, and have also done some pretty hurtful things to other people. So by the time I see them in my office there are big feelings of being broken, hopeless, and unworthy. For the most part this makes a lot of sense to me given what they have been through! And I can completely relate, I too have been seasoned by life, and tenderized, and cook a bit by it!
Read More#030 - Therapist Self-disclosure
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What I have experienced and continue to experience is the profound, and I’m not using that word lightly, healing that can take place through here and now disclosure by the therapist. This is not about sitting around in normal consciousness and chatting about our favorite flavors of ice cream. It’s about dropping into the realm of dissociated parts, developmental trauma, and systemic beliefs together as a way to reintegrate the shattered parts of self many clients come in with.
Read More#029 - Number one tool for therapists: Five simple steps
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In graduate school, first year, they presented a study that claimed 80% of clients reported the relationship between the client and therapist as being the most therapeutic part of therapy. At that time I heard that I thought, “Cool, I’ll keep that in mind and now give me the techniques to be an effective therapist.”
Read More#028 - It's still going to take a lifetime, no matter how hard you try!
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At some point in my teens I became very good at slacking. I was skilled at not doing what I was supposed to and doing what I wasn’t supposed to as much as possible. For instance, getting high before basketball practice, skipping school, stealing, applying only to colleges that didn’t require an essay in the application were all tools of my trade.
Read More#027 VideoBlog - Queer, Trans, Non-Binary Professionals: Yes, you can wear that!
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Entering into the professional world as non-binary, or coming out while in your profession? Here's my story in under 3 minutes!
Read More#026 - You are a complete and total loser: The critic and other protector parts
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Ah the critic, such a persistent and conniving formation. This is the voice in your head that will not shut up if you have done something “wrong.” For some people this wrong thing is just simply living. For others it is asking out someone on a date. Or for others it is how their body looks, or what their voice sounds like. The critic really does not care what is helpful in you reaching your ultimate potential; its sole concern is survival.
Read More#025 - Racism: A culturally induced mental illness
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"So what are the effects of racism as a culturally induced mental illness? As White people living in this culture, steeped in racism, this is a sickness we carry with us. While it showed up in Dyllann Roof as an explicit act of violence, it is showing up in the lives of White people every day in implicit and, sometimes explicit ways. If you have been enjoying the benefits of your skin color without acknowledging the cost take the time to reflect on who pays the price for your privilege."
Read More#024 - Growing up tough and the art of softening
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I grew up wanting to be tough, strong, and independent. I placed high value on getting through pain and not showing when I hurt, I have the tattoos to prove it! My greatest fear was to show my softness, my vulnerability, to another or even admit it to myself. In my early 20s I cried for the first time, while sober, in years. This was a real accomplishment for me!
Read More#023 - Success and Failure are the Path
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As humans we always want things to “work out.” What that usually means is we get our way. We get what we want and feel like we have succeeded in the face of something hard or difficult. We have maneuvered successfully through life and are rewarded for our effort by getting a prize at the end.
Read More#022 - Relationships: When Getting Close Feels Scary
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Your partner reaches out to you, holds extended eye contact, or even wants to make plans for a few days from now and you get that tightening in your stomach. Your not sure why but there is that jump in your belly and the associated feeling that something is bad or wrong. Logically you see there is no reason to be afraid in this moment, you know this is a good person who would not intentionally harm you, but the nagging feeling of imminent danger or mistrust of this person is very present. Sometimes you can shake off this brief impulse to run and get away, other times it signals a landslide of panic and fear that takes you over.
Read More#021 - How to Have a Better Panic Attack: Guest Blogger Gen Morley
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Your breath gets tight, you can’t focus and you can’t think. Oh no, oh no, oh no! It’s a panic attack. It literally feels like you are dying. Maybe you know what triggered it, maybe you don’t, doesn’t really matter now. It’s here, consuming you. So, what do you do now? Panic, right?
Read More#020 - Guest Blog! Understanding And Healing Emotions Alternatively: How Emotions Can Cause Dis-Ease and What You Can Do About It
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In most languages, there are phrases that point to the body-emotion connection. For example, in Germany, we say, “Someone walked over your liver!" This means that someone made you angry. Or, "I got cold feet," meaning, “I got afraid.” Fear is connected to the kidneys.
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#019 - Relationships: Room to Come and Go
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Has your partner ever said to you, “Babe, I need some space tonight.”? Then your knee jerk reaction is something like anxiety, anger, dread, or fear? If so, then congratulations you are in a relationship in which you are connected enough to have your core issues arise! While no one likes to feel these deep issues of abandonment they are often hanging around right under the surface unconsciously driving your behavior.
Read More#018 - Top 5 Indicators That You Rock at Being a Human
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If you are reading this you might feel like you are sucking at life right now, because if you were a really successful human you probably wouldn’t need me to tell you! Maybe you lost a job, a relationship, your clothes don’t fit right, or you are full of self-pity for the choices you made. Possibly you are looking for a pick-me-up and hope to find yourself in this list. Well if you are a human I guarantee you will find yourself in this list! Ok lets get started…
Read More#017 - And We Stop Kicking the Wheel...
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Kicking the wheel goes something like this: We notice that our jaw is tight, for example, and then we say, “Oh my god I’m getting TMJ, and this is going to be really annoying and I’m going to have to go to someone to fix it. And you know who else has TMJ?! Mom! This is all her fault, she passes all her crap on to me and now I have to deal with this. Like my hips! One is higher than the other, just like her, ugh! I can not believe she passed this on to me!!”
Read More#016 - Slow Relationships
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This is like slow food, but with people. It’s like slowly cooking yourself with another so that there is a melding of flavors, but still distinct ingredients that hold their form. Often this type of relationship is difficult to do, but vitally important if intimacy is tough for you. This type of fear of intimacy often comes in two forms. There is the “jump in real fast to relationship” and the “scared of relationship” type
Read More#015 - Loving Alcoholic/Addicts, A Wonderful Opportunity!
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Alcoholics and addicts have been some of the most amazing, frustrating, and downright ridiculous people I have ever had the privilege of working with. These are the people who are destroying their lives, the lives of the people they love, and their own sanity to have just one more go at making their addiction work. They go through benders, for days or weeks, and emerge saying, “I promise to never do that again.” And a few hours, days, or weeks later they are back at it. If you have the curse/privilege of loving one of these people you are in for a ride, often you will wish you never met them! Then other times you will be struck by their sensitivity, huge heart, charisma, passion, and charm and feel their potential under all that chaos.
Read More#014 - God In Psychotherapy
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God, yup that’s right, I’m going to talk about God in psychotherapy. Everybody just calm down it’s going to be ok! It seems interesting to me to combine two often ineffable topics: God and psychotherapy. People since the beginning of spoken word have been trying to describe this sense of something greater than themselves, this presence, this energy, which is beyond description. Also with psychotherapy we have been trying to find a way to move this “soft science” to a “hard science,” to find some credibility for what we know works and maybe even get insurance to pay for it!
#013 - Number One Marketing Tip for Therapists and Helping Professionals
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I was talking with a friend the other day and she was asking me what marketing I am doing that was allowing my practice to grow so much. She being a therapist in private practice wanted to see what she could do to boost her client base. As I reflected on her question I realized I had done no direct marketing over the last 4-5 months. Yet my practice was feeling lively, sustainable, and new people were coming in on a regular basis. So what was going on that clients were coming in, staying, and feeling like good fits?
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